


Coffee Shots

by LunarTea



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Date gone wrong, Fontcest, M/M, Selfcest, Sibling Incest, implied fontcest, papcest - Freeform, shitpost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-16 18:03:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13641597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunarTea/pseuds/LunarTea
Summary: Miscellaneous drabbles I felt were too short to be posted as their own oneshots. Each chapter is tagged accordingly.





	1. Squirt

**Author's Note:**

> Tags for this chapter: Nothing to be concerned about. Just some good ol'...brotherly...love.

Red gave it a few hard pumps, sweat dribbling down his skull. His nerves were eating him alive. Papyrus was  _right there_ , oh stars did he want to see him fucked up...dripping...humiliated, maybe. His soul pounded in his chest, he couldn't take his eyes off his younger brother. He looked so innocent, so unaware, so peaceful...wouldn't it be awful to just, wake him up just a little? He wanted to see the look on his face when he woke up, Red standing right there above him, watching, waiting ever so patiently.

 

_shit, feels like it's gonna burst if i keep doin' this any longer._ He growled within his own thoughts, gritting his jagged teeth to avoid any unnecessary noise as he prepared for the finale. The closer he got, the giddier he felt. Magic bubbled around within him, reacting to the pure unadulterated bliss of what was to come.

 

One more pump, two, and then…His hand gave a squeeze as the load shot out, nailing Papyrus right on the forehead with a thick stream of liquid. Red stepped back a few feet, his brother sputtering and aggressively wiping the water from his skull.

 

"h-heh, gotcha bro..." Red snorted, trying to contain his giggling fit. 

 

Papyrus stalked closer without a word, feet stomping harder every step. 

 

"what, you seein' red?"

 

Red had never seen a squirt gun snapped in half so fast.


	2. Fish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from Psicro's tumblr: ["Kedgeup, where they build a table from Ikea."]

Every moment that passed, Sans was nervous that Edge would tear the booklet apart. He glared daggers as he tried to read the instructions.

 

“IT SAYS HERE THAT PART E GOES IN PART 2. THOSE ARE TWO DIFFERENT NUMBERS.”

 

“one of ‘em’s a letter.”

 

“NOT HELPING.”

 

Sans shifted, his knees starting to hurt from having knelt so long to hold the piece upright against the only other piece they’d managed to fit together correctly.

 

“maybe i can take a look—”

 

“NYEH!” Edge interrupted him, turning his frustrated gaze on the smaller skeleton. “THOSE DAMNED FISH THINK THEY CAN OUT-PUZZLE THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PUZZLER, PAPYRUS! THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG!” His voice rose a few octaves, a crimson flush spreading on his cheek bones.

 

“…i don’t think they’re fish—”

 

“THEY ARE SWEDISH. I HAVE NEVER SEEN A SWEDISH _MONSTER_ BEFORE. THEREFORE, SWEDISH FISH.” He snapped. He had no time to play Sans’s games! Even if he did sound a little silly.

 

“think we can take a break? i’m really startin’ to hurt here and i’m a little hungry.”

 

Edge merely grinned. “YOU WANT TO TAKE A BREAK BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN ON YOUR KNEES TOO LONG?” Sans gave a rather ungraceful snort.

 

“it’s just a skill i can bring to the table.” Edge’s face immediately fell as his mistake sunk in.

 

“STOP.”

 

“i really get a leg up over the competition, huh?”

 

“I REGRET EVERY DECISION TAKING YOU SHOPPING.”

 

“i think my ranks placemat me very high on the list.”

 

“ONE MORE AND I SWEAR TO DOG—”

 

“i understand why you’d be silver _wary_ of me and my skill.”

 

 

The next time they went shopping, it was to replace the window decimated by a flying leg.


	3. Silence is Louder than Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spicyhoney, date gone wrong.
> 
> :^)
> 
> Tags for this chapter: Mentions of cheating, slight angst.

_“anywhere i want?”_

 

_“ANYWHERE.”_

 

_…_

 

_“I’M GOING TO REGRET THIS, AREN’T I.”_

 

A half hour later, Edge and Stretch sat across from each other at the greasiest food dive that Stretch could imagine. Edge forced himself to shut up about the situation; normally he’d be spouting complaint after criticism after complaint, but for the sake of his boyfriend’s sanity, he forced every word back down his own throat with each bite. Dribbles of grease fell from his sandwich with a _plip_ every time he picked it up and he could not have been more disgusted with this abomination disguised as edible food. He owed it to the lazy skeleton after the shit week he’d had.

 

*

 

_“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU’RE UNEMPLOYED? YOU JUST WENT TO WORK TODAY.” Edge had just gotten home from a long day to find him lounging on the couch watching children’s cartoons, various bottles of honey and junk food wrappers scattered around the living room. He was barely spared a glance, eyes not fully leaving the TV screen._

 

_“yeah. just said that they had to cut costs, and i was one of the costs.” He gave a defeated shrug. “not really a big deal.”_

 

_Edge stopped himself from stomping right out the door to start a fight with Stretch’s now-ex employer and took a deep breath._

 

 _“HOW ARE YOU FEELING?” He merely shrugged again, shifting a bit on the couch and watching as the remote tumbled to the floor. He made no move to pick it back up. Stretch was lazy, sure, but never_ this _lazy…_

 

_“considering sans all but told me to fuck off and i lost my own apartment all in the span of a few days, this is just the icing on the cake. really, edgelord, don’t worry about it.”_

 

_“WE—YOU’LL GET THROUGH THIS. I KNOW YOU CAN.” His voice softened, he strode forward and sat on the couch after Stretch pulled his legs away from the cushion._

 

_“mm.”_

 

_Edge didn’t like this. He didn’t like seeing his boyfriend so dejected. He hadn’t taken anything out of the moving boxes, hadn’t moved from the couch save going to work, hadn’t bothered feeding himself unless Edge forced him to swallow a few forkfuls of his own portion._

 

_He had to fix this._

 

_*_

 

Stretch had gotten quite the meal for himself, what with the usual burger and fries accompanied by a salad (???), chicken nuggets (and way too many honey packets), and more sides buried by wrappers and bags. Stars, did he neglect his diet for longer than just the few days he slept on his couch? Or does he always eat like that here? He wasn’t sure he wanted to find out.

 

He couldn’t help his wandering gaze, though. A few booths away behind Stretch sat a skeleton like them, but more roughed up and dressed subtly. No collar or flashy jacket, not tonight. Slim was dressed impeccably to blend in with the usual crowd that attended this…restaurant, if you could even call a grease hole like this one. Slim kept an ever-watchful eye on Edge and Stretch, calmly taking a fry here and there and popping it into his mouth. Sometimes, he’d even waggle his eyebrows at Edge. He had to stifle a groan.

 

Slim was under strict orders to _not_ , under _any_ circumstance, fuck this night up. Thankfully, it had been going alright so far. He’d shown up after Edge had carted Stretch’s happy ass here and sat down, refrained from any communication or obvious eye contact, and most importantly didn’t walk the fuck out with remarks of “y’all are gay figure it out yourself.”

 

“somethin’ botherin’ you?” Stretch drawled, mild interest written on his face. Shit, did he look too long? Did he space out?

 

“NO, J-JUST THINKING ABOUT THINGS.” He could feel his cheek bones flushing. Being caught spacing out wasn’t something he was used to. Was he spacing out? He was probably overthinking things.

 

“ah.” Stretch grunted, tapping at his phone on the table. It wasn’t like him to be so…listless. He wanted the old Stretch back, the one that at least made it a point to make fun of him for being a space cadet and then jabbed multiple puns at him for hours after.

 

He couldn’t help taking a bite of his sandwich and sparing another panicked glance at Slim. He tried miming _ok but what the fuck do i do now?_ to him with his eyes. The skeleton huffed when all he got was an equally confused shrug. Edge cleared his throat, taking a sip of his water. Stretch was casually powering through his food, but didn’t bother to look up from his phone.

 

Edge was so used to just pushing through his own feelings without sparing so much as a few quiet moments alone that he wasn’t sure how to even act in these situations for his own partner. How saddening. His fingers tapped his pocket nervously, the small box against his leg making his anxiety skyrocket at the thought of tonight not going as planned.

 

“look, you can stop…whatever you’re doin’.” Stretch sighed and sat up, food forgotten on the table. _Oh, no._ Alarm bells rang off in Edge’s head on red alert. Did he pick up on what was going on? Shit. He hoped not. He watched with horror as his boyfriend turned to look Slim dead in the eyes, and then turned back to Edge with a bored look. “i know what’s goin’ on. you don’t have to play dumb with me.”

 

“Y-YOU DO?” Edge’s voice cracked into a squeak. His hands trembled, gripping the fabric of his pants. God, was he sweating? Fuck, what did he do to give himself away? Slim was visibly distressed as well. Maybe it was having Slim along, Stretch hadn’t met him quite yet so it could have been easily spotted a mile away—

 

“so which one was it? you fuck him a while ago, or is he here to insist i leave?”

 

What?

 

“WHAT?” Edge swallowed. This was not at all according to the plan.

 

“some guy shows up outta the blue and you get all fidgety and can’t stop lookin’ at him. i’ve had one night stands before that showed up in public, _hun._ ” Stretch spat the last word out, hurt flickering across his features. Did he seriously think that infidelity was at play here? “you think i don’t know an excuse when i see one? ‘i’m working late so i won’t be home til tomorrow morning,’ classic.” His voice broke at the last syllable. Edge’s soul ached. Words wouldn’t come to his throat. He couldn’t believe that Edge would really cheat…would he? Was it the bad mood talking? Was Stretch having relations behind his back? He wasn’t sure what to think.

 

Stretch made to stand, using his hand as a support on the table. Edge stood with him, Slim taking a step toward them both with an explanation on his tongue.

 

“f-forget it, okay? i was stupid to think anyone was dumb enough to put up with me, especially when i’m like, like _this_.” His palms met his own torso with a _tbump_ , golden tears welling at the corner of his sockets. “who wants to be with a depressed sack of nothing? i get it. i do.”

 

“STRETCH, WAIT, PLEASE! LET’S NOT—”

 

“i’ll be out by the morning.” Stretch swallowed hard and with a blip, he was gone.

 

Edge sank back into his seat, eyes stinging and soul aching. He could barely feel Slim’s hand on his shoulder as he buried his face in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scream at me at decaffeinatedleafwater.tumblr.com and tell me how cute the ending was :)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not apologizing.
> 
> Got a request? Wanna say hi? Yell at me on tumblr at decaffeinatedleafwater.tumblr.com


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